maids & matrons

Brave women with stereotypically feminine virtues, kind and patient and loving, and the older, gruff and world-weary anti-heroes who fall for them.

Posts tagged ramblings

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There’s just been a cute little baby here. I would like one too. I feel so old already. But I am also so damn immature and poor and have too many things to do and not enough time. I don’t think I will ever be ready to take on such a responsibility. It makes me sad, though. I would love to be a stay at home mother. The thing is, I would probably spend most of my time being frustrated about not having enough time for myself.

Also, I would probably need to have sex with someone first. Yeah. No.

Aaaanyway. Moving on.

Filed under THE LIFE ramblings TMI

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There are no true knights.: imma just say this:







disliking a female character is not necessarily sexist is misogynistic, because there are plenty of reasons not to like characters, no matter whether or not they’re female. But that does not mean that attaching gendered insults like:

  • cunt
  • bitch
  • hag
  • slag
  • whore
  • witch

also does not make your…

well then…

Yes, to an extent. But a man will never face institutionalized sexism or hate or just plain ol’ sexism and hate based upon showing agency, be it sexual, personal, or political. Men are so privileged, and women who dare to question it or express her own privilege or show masculine traits is a bitch, or a dyke, or cunt. A man who sleeps around is never a whore. But if a girl sleeps with a boy, she’s a slut, and if she’s a virgin, she’s a prude. Men are not subject to double standards, or a government that subverts them. They have the bias for them. No one attaches “dick” as a descriptor as a means of just reducing him to his gender, trying to marginalize him and insinuate that his only place is being barefoot and pregnant. And if a woman says that a man is a dick, she literally has no power to back that up, because somewhere, an old white man will laugh behind his desk in his corner office, call her a frigid bitch who needs to get laid, and the world will be righted again. You can’t fault those outside of power for being angry.

But you can call those who have power, or enable it. By marginalizing women who take steps outside of their ascribed roles to being bitches, cunts, and whores, women lose ground. They’re villainized, reduced to the good wife/nasty wench dichotomy that has kept us dis-empowered and divided for millennia. We’ve been taught misogyny because if we hate other women, we’re easy to control. We hate each other and ourselves. 

Men don’t question their right to work, or to hold power, or political office. They’re not insecure about how people view them in regards to their sex. A woman in a position of power is constantly regarded as a bitch. As masculine. She does not fit their mold, so she must be a bitch, or a cunt, or a whore. She’s no longer a woman, or a person. She’s a threat—that’s where these insults come from. To put women “in their place.” 

Calling a man a dick?

Doesn’t have quite the same effect.

You write:

Men are so privileged, and women who dare to question it or express her own privilege or show masculine traits is a bitch, or a dyke, or cunt. A man who sleeps around is never a whore. But if a girl sleeps with a boy, she’s a slut, and if she’s a virgin, she’s a prude.

I don’t know… :/ Maybe I’m just lucky but I really do not feel marginalized or oppressed in any way for being a woman. And really, I can’t remember ever being a witness/a victim of “institutionalized sexism”. Of course that does not mean that these things do not exist, but I do not find that they are rooted in the society I live in (maybe in USA, where I presume you live, it’s different?).

Because of this it’s a little hard for me to feel offended about these things - things which do offend you. I’m trying to understand why that is, and whether I should be offended too – if by not being offended I’m maybe turning a blind eye on something that I should fight against…

For example. I make fun of men because of their gender - like a lot. Women and men are different. There are certain attributes that are stereotypically feminine/masculine, because they are mostly present in women/men. These, like any stereotypes, can be quite hilarious sometimes – and sometimes I feel when people (men) are joking about a stereotypically female trait it is automatically considered sexist, while joking about a stereotypically male trait is not. I don’t think that double standards are good in establishing equality and general happiness in society.

(This also applies for example in race issues – I find it equally wrong for a black person to treat a white person differently because he is white than for a white person to do the same to a black person.)

I think most of the people that post anonymous sexist messages or similar are just trolls… I find it maybe a little counter-productive to the issue at hand to pay them any mind?

I don’t know, I just want everyone to be happy and kind to each other… :)

And being offended and angry about something seems often to be only deepening further the strife between people – instead of pushing the issue in a better direction and helping the people who offend/anger you to change their mind and start behaving differently.

That’s what I’ve been thinking right now… I don’t know if starting a discussion about these things is the best way to go (hopefully I won’t offend anybody - maybe there would be less negative feelings overall if I would not participate at all?), but I felt like discussing it a little.

In the US it’s pretty bad. But it’s worse in a lot of countries. We’re both immensely privileged, because we’re white in countries where sexism is not a legislated being and misogyny is not openly condoned. (I’d argue in the US that it’s still institutionalized and internalized.) But I’ve experienced hate for my gender. I’ve been the victim of a gender specific crime. I see internalized misogyny everyday in my mother and sisters and father. I’m white working class. We are the epitome of racism, homophobia, and sexism and misogyny in the US. 

But in other countries where women aren’t allowed to drive or run for office or vote or obtain an abortion or have a voice or agency and live with the threat of rape or where rape is a norm? That’s not a joke for them, or something they question if it exists. They live in hate and oppressive systems based upon the creed that they are not human beings. They are chattel, bought and sold. They are to take their place in the quiet, dark shadows and bear children who will unquestionably become a part of this cycle of violence and hatred towards women. And it’s these women who face the words cunt, bitch, and whore with punch in the face or a kick in the gut. And as long as people in the world associate these terms with the licit right to harm a woman who dares to take agency, attaching these words to women will be problematic. 

You can make fun of gender differences, and roles. That’s not hatred. It’s not rooted in hate, or violence, or oppression. We can tease. 

But we also need to take into account what people of marginalized groups—women, minorites, trans* people, LBGTQ etc, deal with. And odds are, it’s hate, sexism, homophobia. It’s not funny to tease or make fun of something that is a source of hatred against someone. Or something that’s regularly used against them in order to oppress them. 

I have large breasts and hips and a small waist. One day I was watering my lawn when three men tried to kidnap me. A joke about how I look like a slut or whore isn’t funny because that’s how three men legitimized their attempt to take me and use me. It’s fine if a friend says it, because they know me and I know how they feel about me. It’s teasing. But if a man on the street harasses me for my appearance it’s threatening, because them taking me is a very real reality for me and many other women who live in less privileged areas of the world. They are asserting the fact that they can overpower me, that my sexuality is not my own. That they can take it and objectify it and I’m supposed to take it as a compliment. 

But yes, we should be polite. There shouldn’t be double standards. But there are a lot less double standards protecting marginalized peoples than there are double standards that harm them. Idk. Teasing is one thing. 

But in a lot of the world, it’s based on hate and power imbalance and the wish to retain the power imbalance. And I don’t think that just because we’re privileged that we get skim over the remnants of patriarchy and massive power imbalances in our world. Because in a lot of ways, they aren’t remnants. 

Just jumping in because this caught my eye:

(This also applies for example in race issues – I find it equally wrong for a black person to treat a white person differently because he is white than for a white person to do the same to a black person.)

No. This is a very naive view point, and one often held by white people. If a black person says something racially offensive to a white person, that white person might get offended for a while, but then they go off and live their lives, and it’ll probably never happen again. If a white person does the same thing to a black person, it’s likely to be the thousandth time that thing’s happened to that black person, and it sure as hell won’t be the last. 

If a black person treats a white person differently because of their race, it’s probably because they’ve learnt that white people can and do hurt them, in all possible ways. Not all white people, of course, but enough. 

Is this a problem? Yes. Personally I would love to be able to make new friendships with white people without having to worry about whether or not they hold attitudes that can/will hurt me.

But is this equivalent to the reverse situation? Not even close.

I understand what you are trying to say, and I agree with you in a way.

I find the individual acts to be equally abhorrent (i.e. there is no more “intrinsic evil” in one or the other (that would be racist, I guess)) - but in reality they are so unevenly distributed (wih the black/non-white person being the oppressed one most of the times), that the racist acts perpetrated towards white people are statistically of almost no consequence in their lives.

That does not make them less wrong in a way that I will now try to explain:

The point was - a black person could be racist too, and him being black does not make his racism more “right” but it is probably preferable to the opposite scenario (white person being racist towards a black person), when taking into account the consequences of such action.

It’s a question of wording and what works for you in your understanding/system of morality…

I am a moral relativist on one hand, but on the other - when discussing some concepts in and off themselves - I find it the most helpful to distinguish just between right and wrong, or to just work with the wrong (killing someone, theft, rape, violence of any kind, basically activelly hurting someone in any way) and its absence.

Murdering a person is wrong. (=it would not occur in an ideal society); murdering a murderer is preferable to murdering an innocent person. Still, I find the murder of the murderer wrong. That is, in and of itself, as a concept, the murder is wrong, regardless of the circumstances. In reality, the circumstances are all that matter, though, and I guess we could say that murder of a murderer is less wrong than murder of an innocent person.

That is what I meant… I disagree with racist remarks of any kind and don’t find it right to condone them just because the usual roles are reversed.

I am against racism, although one kind of racism could be preferable to another, based on its consequences.

(Source: ofhouseadama, via the-moonmoth-deactivated2012101)

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As you can see I went through some old photo albums today and found this gem. My father and my mother; this was taken some years before 1989, when the Velvet revolution took place. I was born two years after the revolution, a year and a half before Slovakia became an independent country, so I never really experienced what the regime was like. But I heard a lot of stories. Most of them are entertaining and weird, some are just weird, some seem almost unreal.

I don’t know; capitalism doesn’t seem to bring eternal happiness to everybody either. And people are complaining still, even wishing the old days back.

Read more …

Filed under THE LIFE ramblings